eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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