is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
