She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
