Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
