that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
