Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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