You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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