you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
