I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You made out with two different species that night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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