Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
not ubering you a puppy
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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