so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
