wrigley field is MILF paradise
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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