Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
