I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize