Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
