That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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