I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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