Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
