I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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