I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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