Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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