I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize