This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
