Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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