Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
