You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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