I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
