Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
