Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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