no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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