It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
