He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
