Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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