he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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