Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I wear drunk well.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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