Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
