I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
