forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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