About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do vagina's smell?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
