went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
