I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
