All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
