M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
