I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Soap is not a condiment
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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