dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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