8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
