I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
