I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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