dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
