Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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