Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
