I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
