Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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