I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
