Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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