sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
