i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
