Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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