I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
