i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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