hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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