my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize