Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
