I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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