Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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