I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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