haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
