be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
