She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
