do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize