ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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