Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Bring me that man meat
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
